return my video game
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
