I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
