I want to have your abortion
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
