Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
