hotel room ftw
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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