My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
