My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
They took my balls.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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