He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
