East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
