worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
