At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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