Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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