Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
