whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
