ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I am mentally ready for anal.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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