I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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