hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
