Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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