i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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