We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
