thus making me awesome and them whores
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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