I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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