HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
