He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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