my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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