At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
