So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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