I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
