Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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