think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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