it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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