it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
