Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
