Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
