Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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