All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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