...so i touched it.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
