Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
