I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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