I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
