Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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