well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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