just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
