Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
