hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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