wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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