You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
