a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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