It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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