The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
