I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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