I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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