i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
